![]() It had been years so there was a lot to incorporate. I cleared my mind and began to compose the one form of communication that I hate just as much as a resume and that’s a biography. There was no point in beginning this thing if I wasn’t going to do my very best to be honest even if it meant that I had to sacrifice clever to do it. ![]() I had made the commitment, and I did the hardest thing and bared my soul. and explained how my “real” New Year’s Eve totally sucked and that I was feeling so inspired that I was taking it upon myself to manipulate this time into New Year’s Eve. I even got into the whole Julian vs Gregorian Calendar thing…. ![]() I had already “officially’ changed my New Year’s Day to April 1st as a way to synchronize the beginning of this blog with the beginning of my New Year and I found that very symbolic of a new beginning and went to great lengths to detail how symbolic and meaningful, I thought that was. I opened my heart and I poured out my soul in order to convey what this blog represents to me. I spent at least four hours this morning, writing out, in great detail, my reasons for creating this blog at this time in my life. voia să o contrazică, s-o convingă să se ducă la Klamm, începu să strângă de pe jos ce mai rămăsese din bluza ei, dar nu era în stare să spună nimic, era prea fericit s-o ţină pe Frieda între mâinile lui, prea fericit şi temător în acelaşi timp, căci i se păre că dacă Frieda îl părăseşte, îl părăseşte tot ce-i al lui.I don’t even know how to begin this thing….AGAIN! (Deja vu reference) Mânată de o supunere de-a dreptul înnăscută, Frieda voia să sară în picioare, dar apoi îşi aminti unde se află, îşi întinse braţele, râse încetişor şi zise : la ureche, transmiţându-i astfel chemarea. Aşa că nu simţi spaimă în primul moment, ci mai degrabă o revenire consolatoare din obnubilaţie, când auzi că o voce profundă, poruncitor-calmă, o strigă pe Frieda din camera lui Klamm. avea mereu senzaţia că se rătăceşte pe meleaguri străine sau că a ajuns atât de departe ca nimeni înaintea lui, într-o străinătate unde nici măcar aerul nu avea vreun comportament din atmosfera de acasă, unde trebuie să te sufoci de înstrăinare şi unde, împresurat de tentaţiile ei absurde, nu poţi face totuşi altceva decât să mergi înainte, să rătăceşti mai departe. Acolo petrecură ore întregi, ore de răsuflare în comun, de bătăi de inimă comune, ore în care K. încerca mereu să se smulgă făcând eforturi zadarnice, se loviră cu un zgomot surd de uşa lui Klamm şi apoi rămaseră culcaţi în micile băltoace de bere şi în alte gunoaie răspândite pe podea. ![]() Se îmbrăţişară, trupul ei puţintel ardea sub mâinile lui K., se rostogoliră cu câţiva metri mai încolo într-o inconştienţă din care K. Văzând că el rămâne tăcut, dus pe gânduri, tresări speriată şi începu să-l smucească apoi ca un copil, spunându-i : “Stătea întinsă pe spate cu braţele desfăcute, ca într-o sfârşeală din dragoste de atâta voluptate timpul i se părea de bună seamă fără sfârşit şi cânta, mai mult în suspine, un cântecel oarecare. While it is death that must still strike down the others, though they may have spent all their lives in a sickbed – for even though they would have gone down by themselves long ago from their own weakness, they nevertheless hold fast to their loving, very healthy relatives by blood and marriage – he, this bachelor, still in the midst of life, apparently of his own free will resigns himself to an ever smaller space, and when he dies the coffin is exactly right for him.” The farther he moves away from the living, for whom he must still – and this is the worst mockery – work like a conscious slave who dare not express his consciousness, so much the smaller a space is considered sufficient for him. He moves incessantly, but with predictable regularity, from one apartment to another. A cold breeze breathes upon him from within and he gazes inward with the even sadder half of his double face. But everyone knows his condition, can detail his sufferings. He walks around with his coat buttoned, his hands in the upper pockets of his jacket, his arms akimbo, his hat pulled down over his eyes, a false smile that has become natural to him is supposed to shield his mouth as his glasses do his eyes, his trousers are tighter than seem proper for his thin legs. “The unhappiness of the bachelor, whether seeming or actual, is so easily guessed at by the world around him that he will curse his decision, at least if he has remained a bachelor because of the delight he takes in secrecy.
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